Saturday, February 20, 2010

Another week....he is growing strong

I can't believe how much my little man is changing.  It is almost like he grows every day.   He is now able to almost hold his head up all by himself.   He loves to reach for everything and he never stops wiggling.  His legs are constantly moving and arms are flapping.   He seems so interested in us.  Xan has really started to react when we play with him.   We lay him on his back and tickle his tummy and he gets the biggest grin and almost a little laugh.   He is also starting to really chatter.  He seems to have his own little language of coos and squeals and squeeks and sometimes even a shout.   It is so much fun to watch him grow.   I stopped to look at pictures of him at the hospital when he was born, he was such a small, fragile thing,   So tiny and helpless with so much extra skin he looked like a little old man....but he has filled out.  His little legs are getting so strong and his little cheeks are so full and cute.  I can't believe I love him even more.    Part of me wants to stop time and have him stay this way forever.  I love to cuddle with him and snuggle with him in my arms.  I love to watch Bryce hold him close and pat his back and kiss his head.    I am beginning to realize so many adventures lie ahead of us.  Crawling....walking....running.....but for now I am going to treasure these moments---like the smell of him after a bath, caressed with baby lotion and in fresh new clothes.  And the feel of his warm little body snuggled up to my chest  and the feel of his little breath on my neck.
I know it can't happen...but like Peter Pan.... 
I never want him to grow up.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Alexander's First Valentines Day

Well here is another first!!   We took pictures so we can send out Xan's first set of Valentines Cards.   Of course this momentous occasion called for a cute new outfit.   (any excuse to shop for little man)   So after a successful trip to The Children's Place ( a great store by the way) we found a really cute outfit.  It is red and white and say eligible bachelor on the front.  Soooooo cute.   I was so excited for this.
Mandee was baby sitting and took these cute pics to use for the card.

As I looked at the finished card and started addressing envelopes to send to our families I began to think about this crazy holiday.   This holiday that seems to be invented by Halmark and Hershey's Chocolates has a whole new meaning this year.  I remember so many years in the past where I celebrated National Single Awareness Day....the day when I felt alone and depressed.  But then Bryce changed all that and for the past 6 years I have had fabulous Valentine's Days.   I remember our first Valentine's Day.  I was teaching at Weber High School and every period an aide from the office would deliver a special valentine for me and then after school I went home to find a beautiful meal complete with candlelight.  (isn't he the best husband ever)
I know Valentine's Day is a symbol of romantic love.....but today I thought of how our little Xan is a living example of the love that Bryce and I share.  Then I started to think that I am so lucky to be married to my very best friend.   A man who truely loves me, even with all of my short comings.   Bryce constantly shows me he loves me, he doesn't just wait for this one day of the year.  He is always expressing his love by writing my special emails or bringing me flowers or cooking a special dinner or just cuddling on the couch.  But my favorite thing he does is so little---but means so much.   He looks into my eyes and says 8 special words.... "do you know how much I love you?"    These words mean so much to me.   He also calls me his Lady.   This is his special name for me and it makes me smile whenever he says it.  When he calls me Lady I know exactly how he feels about me--I know he loves me with all his heart.   AND I LOVE HIM!!  My father in heaven has truley blessed me.
I also started to think about love.   A year ago I never imagined I could loving anything more than Bryce and our precious little puppy Magoo.   We did everything together and I loved it. My Magoo is still my little furry guy--he always greets us at the door with kisses and sleeps on our bed every night.  He is the best dog in the world.  I loves me unconditionally and is never too busy for a cuddle or a treat. 
And now I have another man in my life.    And although he only weighs 7 and 1/2 pounds and is 2 months old--I love him heart and soul.  I never dreamed that I could love something so much.   There is not a moment of the day that I don't think about him.   When I hold him in my arms, the rest of the world with all of it worries seems to disappear.  
But the love in my life doesn't end with our little family.   We have so many people in our life that love us.   We have incredible parents that love us and help make our full lives possible.  We have great brothers and sisters who we love.  We also have dear family members across the country who love and support us even across many miles.  And in addition to this great family, we have incredible friends who are dear to us and help us get through the day to day turmoils--these people are our extended family.   We also have a dear ward family---(the people who attend church with us).  They are so supportive, friendly and are always there to offer a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand or a plate of cookies. :)
So this year I feel so lucky and extremely grateful.  I am surrounded by valentines.  I find myself loving one strong and caring man, one precious little man, and one furry loveable little guy.   I love each of them so much and I can't imagine my life without them.  I am also so blessed that my father in heaven has sent me loving friends and family that enrich my life.
So from our little family in Utah to our family and friends everywhere.
 Happy Valentines Day.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A visit from my favorite aunt Kathy

So today we had a grand present came on a jet plane...all the way from California. HOORAY!!!!!! Aunt Kathy came to meet our little man.   I feel so blessed and lucky that she used precious vacation time to come see us.   I know we are going to have a fun time together this week.

Here is a way cute pic of her holding our little man.

Here is a quote from the lips of Kathy
"of course my favorite aunt from California got to hold me first."
 (Maggie---doesn't Kathy look so young........)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Xander performs the Hukilau

Fun Video of Xander performing for everyone.....with a bit of help from auntie Mandee.

Missing the little moments

Last night I spent an enjoyable evening at the Heritage Theater with my dad and my friend(sister) Mandee.   We went to see The Miracle Worker, the story of Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan.   I had helped the cast with characterization and finishing touches right before they opened and it was so exciting to see their closing night.  Each member of the cast had grown so much and they gave such beautiful performances.  Especially Hailey and Natalie---their performances were honest, touching and just incredible.   I enjoyed seeing them after the show and hugging them and letting them now how great they were.
Well I said goodbye to my friends and headed out to my vehicle...on the way I slipped on the ice and fell into a huge puddle of freezing water hitting my right arm just above my elbow and my hip and the back of my head. My entire right side was covered in freezing slush and my hands were covered in gravel.   I felt like an idiot--mostly because I had been so careful to avoid the ice....and I was in a ton of pain.  But luckily no broken bones....just large bruises.   As I made my way to the car I kept thinking how much I just wanted to be home.  The 2 minute drive seemed endless and as I pulled into our driveway I was so relieved to be home.
I walked into our kitchen and told Bryce what had happened as I scanned the room for Xander.....but I soon noticed he was around.  He must have already gone to  Bryce is good.   And then it happened----I asked Bryce where he was...he said in his crib.  So I walked into our bedroom where we have the bassinet.  I walked over to the bassinet and there was no Bryce said "no his crib."  And I lost it.  The tears began to flow down my cheeks.  My little man was asleep for the first time in his big boy crib.   Why was I crying?---I should be happy---but I felt so sad.  I had missed this moment.   I know it must be strange...but I had pictured this night.  I have his pajamas all picked out...I wanted him to wear his monkey pajamas to go with his monkey themed nursery.  I wanted him to be cuddled up in his blue blanket made by his auntie Maggie and his monkey blanket made by his aunt Trisha.   I was going to take pictures and video and rock him to sleep and them place my little angel into his crib for the first time ---but now it had happened without me.  While I was off with friends I missed this milestone.

I just stood there in the doorway of the nursery with the tears flowing and poor Bryce not knowing what to do.  He just didn't understand why this was so wasn't like he had taken his first steps or anything....but to me this was sooooo important.   Since he was born he has spent every night by the side of our bed in the bassinet or in the bed snuggled up with us.   I am not ready for that to be over.   I am not ready to give that up.  I want this time to last forever.     And more than that I had missed this transition.
I began to think in my mind how many other things I will miss when I am at work and he is home with Grandma and can I do this?   The more I thought, the more I cried.   I have waited 6 years for this little man and how can I miss a moment of his life.    He changes so much everyday.  He is growing and begining to smile, react, reach, giggle and so much more.  Each small change is a momentous occassion for me.
My mind tells me not to cry, but my heart is in control.   I love him so much.
After a while I went into the nursery and snapped a few pics.   There he is in his beautiful crib that Grandpa Cook got for him and at least he is cuddled up with Maggies blanket.   He is so peaceful and sweet.   He looks like an angel.
Perhaps my sadness is coming from the fact that every day I realize more and more how precious time is.   And how fast time goes.  He is only two months old, and he has already changed so much.   I want him to stay little forever.  I want to be able to hold him and snuggle and protect him from everything.   But that is not possible, everyday he grows a bit more, and some day the thought of snuggling with mom will seem very uncool.   I guess for now I just need to make the most of each moment I have with him and try not to worry about the moments I miss.   My mind is telling me that.....but my heart is still aching and my eyes are still full of tears.

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